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## sofa sage returns with more insights into the mystery of life! 06/28/2013 0 Comments The Sofa Sage, or Jeff, as he's known to the guys in IT, is back with more insights into the mystery of life. Please remember that this mystical gift is not meant to substitute for the truth, but merely to indicate the potential knowledge shared by the man who has sat on that outdated brown leather sofa grazing through awful cable programming choices and many a take out meal, so that you may be afforded the following words of wisdom: - nobody wins if everybody loses, - this place isn't going to clean itself, - money doesn't grow on trees, and the cataclysmic epiphany that has tongues wagging around the globe: -You aren't going to get anywhere sitting around this house all day, that's for damned sure! Do not try to come up with your own path to pure understanding while watching ESPN2 or entering the second day of a Police Academy Marathon. The Sofa Sage is closely aligned with the planets and various wireless packages and knows what he's doing and saying long before you or your friends do. Next time, the Sofa Sage predicts what will happen " if I have to come over there". Add Comment ## GUESS WHO WON'T BE NEEDING THIS ANYMORE? hint: PEOPLE OF COLOR IN THIS NATION! 06/27/2013 0 Comments Add Comment ## This Post Brought To You By... 06/26/2013 0 Comments Add Comment ## PHOTOS OF STANLEY CUP BEFORE AND AFTER BLACK HAWK PLAYERS ARE ALLOWED TO TOUCH IT!! 06/25/2013 0 Comments
BEFORE | LONG AFTER
Add Comment ## TALK WIth A Zombie 06/24/2013 0 Comments Dear Zombie, My parents want me in the house by the time the sun sets every night. It's the curfew their parents gave them and "what was good enough for us is good enough for you!" My friends all get to stay out until at least 10 PM, unless it's a school night. When I ask my folks "why?" they usually mumble something to me about zombies getting me after dark. This seems like a pretty silly reason to me. I've never even seen a real zombie, but then I've never been out of the house after dark either. Help! - PRISONER IN MY OWN HOME Dear Prisoner, Your question has a simple answer. It doesn't really matter what your friends can do, you're living in your parents home, so you gotta follow your parent's rules. That being said, I can say that whatever their real reasons are it has nothing to do with zombies. If a zombie is after you, sunlight won't keep 'em away. We grab and munch on "live ones" anytime of day. So keep an eye out on your way to and from school! I wouldn't mention this to your folks though or they'll start home schooling and you'll never leave that house again. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Dear Zombie, You're always saying most movies don't portray you guys and gals as you really are. Are there any films at all that you'd recommend to get the "real" scoop on zombies? - HOOKED ON ZOMBIE FLICKS Dear Hooked, Actually the two classics "Night Of The Living Dead" and "Dawn Of The Dead," are probably my favorites. Everything in them isn't zombie gospel, but there's plenty of true facts in between the Hollywood stuff. I like "Dawn" especially, because even though it ends with the heroes getting away from that mall, there's nowhere for them to go and the zombies are going to win in the end so I walked out of the theatre with a nice warm feeling in what's left of my heart. (ED. Note: If you'd like to Talk With the Zombie, just head over to our CONTACT page and addres your question to "Dear Zombie" in the comment box!) Add Comment ## TEACHER IN TRAINING: GOOD LUCK, MR. KELLY! 06/20/2013 0 Comments Add Comment ## This Post Brought To You By... 06/19/2013 0 Comments Add Comment ## Jesus Makes 3 appearances 06/18/2013 0 Comments REPRINTED FROM THE OLINOY REPORTER - JUNE 7, 2013 THREE SEEING JESUS By Josh Newcombe In what seems like an amazing coincidence the image of Jesus has appeared 3 times in and around the Olinoy area recently. His first reported appearance was in a pot of gravy being made for the mashed potatoes at St. Adelbert's Catholic charity cookout right here in Olinoy. Unfortunately the gravy was stirred before a picture could be taken. "You gotta keep stirring it or it'll stick to the bottom of the pot!" said Harvey McCalsky, a yearly volunteer at this church function. I know Harv personally, he's a pretty reliable guy, and since he's not a strict Catholic he's not prone to seeing Jesus everywhere, so I tend to believe this was a true sighting. Secondly, Marge Henderson, of Tiedmont, IL, said her parakeet's droppings had splashed into a very Jesus-like image, but her maid cleaned the cage before she could get a picture. However she also reports seeing Jesus to our paper about twice a month, once even claiming the image of the Christ on her church's weekly newsletter was a miracle even though her pastor verified he put it there himself, so this one's a little harder to swallow. Third and most impressively, Jeb Thurmond, from Cityville, IL, caught the picture of Jesus appearing in a wine spill which you see here. He was smart enough to not clean it up before snapping the picture, thanks Jeb, but not smart enough to clean it up before his wife saw it. "He's ruined three carpets with wine so far," said Ruby Thurmond, adding "when you can't hold the glass in your hand it's time to stop drinking. Why we don't get them Scotch Guarded is beyond me." It's hard to doubt what you can see with your own eyes. Jeb's not very good with a computer and doesn't even have Photoshop, so I'm kinda feeling the love on this one. Plus there's something almost prophetic about JC appearing in wine. Why would he make an appearance on this carpet, at this point in time? Well the Lord moves in mysterious ways. And so does Jeb, who promised his wife if he can't get the stain out, he'll gladly spill wine over the entire carpet so it all matches. Add Comment ## Talk WIth A Zombie 06/17/2013 0 Comments Dear Zombie, What does it feel like to be a zombie? A lot of the kids at school are sayin' if your'e gonna be cool ya gotta go zombie. Some of them are really puttin' the pressure on. It sounds like it could be fun, but my parent's have always warned against it. I'm really curious, I mean there's a lot of things grown-ups have told me not to do that ended being very cool and fun. I'm just not so sure about this zombie thing. - ZOMBIE CURIOUS Dear Curious, You're probably asking the wrong person. I'm pretty pro-zombie, so I'm more than a little biased in this area. I think it feels great! And it hardly hurts that much at all. But it's a kinda like losing your virginity, once you go there you really can't go back… so it's important to be absolutely sure about your answer on the "to zombie or not to zombie" question. All I can tell you for certain is that there are more of us every day, so you'll never be alone. ;-) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Dear Zombie, Why is being a zombie such a big deal nowadays? There's the "The Walking Dead," "World War Z," reruns of "Zombieland" & "Shaun Of The Dead" on cable every other day…. I mean, I think they're cool and everything, but so are a lot of other things. - VAMPIRE LOVER Dear VL, When my dad was growing up there weren't many actual zombies around, and "Night Of The Living Dead" was pretty much the only zombie flick in town. It wasn't shown on TV for a very long time, so if you didn't catch it at the theater, then you lived a pretty much zombieless life. Now there are just so damn many of us, with more coming every day. So… sorry, but like it or not, don't expect to see an end to zombie themed entertainment anytime soon. I have no doubt they'll be sneaking it into advertising shortly as we're quickly becoming a "demographic." And I have no problem with that, Zombies rule! (ED. Note: If you'd like to Talk With the Zombie, just head over to our CONTACT page and addres your question to "Dear Zombie" in the comment box!) Add Comment ## Happy Father's Day From Duck Logic Comedy! 06/16/2013 0 Comments Add Comment